Why Juggling No Longer Works (Did It Ever?). And What To Aim For Instead.

Why Juggling No Longer Works (Did It Ever?). And What To Aim For Instead.

The coronavirus pandemic could wipe out 25 years of increasing gender equality, new global data from UN Women suggests…

Even before the pandemic, it was estimated women were doing about three quarters of the 16 billion hours of unpaid work that are done each day around the world. In other words, before coronavirus, for every one hour of unpaid work done by men, three hours was done by women. Now that figure is higher. 

“If it was more than three times as much as men before the pandemic, I assure you that number has at least doubled,” says Ms Bhatia, UN Women Deputy Executive Director Anita Bhatia.” – Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-55016842

This is just one among numerous reports about the impact of the pandemic on women in particular.

No wonder the juggle feels even more stressful, even more imperative and even more is at stake. We are under more pressure than ever before.

We are being paid less than ever and doing even more of the work. Careers are in jeopardy. The role models we’d worked so hard to become to our daughters AND sons, gone in one fell swoop. Gender equality is just one pretty serious casualty of this pandemic.

On top of the usual juggle of work/life/kids, parents – and mothers in particular – are now juggling:

  • School disruption and chaos, with frequent bouts of learning at home or periods off school, in isolation.
  • Their own work and careers hanging in the balance, or working from home with the kids and no separation of the two.
  • The additional emotional toll of financial stress, the constant threat to ill health of family, friends and loved ones from the virus and the impact of social isolation and a world that looks very different from last year.

Reports like the one above – about the macro, bigger picture impact of the pandemic – are being felt at the micro, day to day level by families everywhere. And it is unsustainable.

Why Juggling Is Entirely The Wrong Approach…

Juggling implies keeping separate, distinct entities under control all at the same time…

  • You’ve still gotta make sure your kids are thriving at school, despite the chaos.
  • You’ve still gotta make sure you’re earning enough to pay your bills.
  • You’ve still gotta make sure your relationship is solid despite the additional stress.
  • You’ve still gotta make sure you’re keeping on top of the usual household and life admin duties.

In the pre-COVID way of doing things, we had boundaries enforced upon us to help keep these things separate, so we could move between them a little more easily…

  • The kids went to school, leaving you several hours in the day to focus on work/life/household/social stuff.
  • You went to work, to a place with space dedicated to you doing that job with no distractions or disturbances from the rest of your life (kids, partners, houses to clean).
  • You went to the shops or to the bar/pub/restaurant to get your social and fun fix.

These were clear and distinct physical boundaries to help you shift your focus from one part of your life to another, without them ever really having to mix. And now? 

Now, we don’t need to put on our work clothes, step into that work ‘persona’ and head to the office. We don’t get to book the babysitter, dress up and head out, dropping the ‘mum’ vibe and swapping it for the ‘adult gagging to have some fun’ vibe. 

These days we are working from home trying to stop the kids from bombing our zoom calls…

…The kids are either learning at home trying to get to grips with lessons online or not seeing their friends socially outside of the classroom and subjected to staggered start times, staggered lunch times, staggered play times and more…

…We are socialising at home through screens and on Zoom, we are eating at home, exercising at home, and shopping from home.

There’s no need to get dressed up or become someone else to fit in. There are fewer physical separations and boundaries. Everything is blending into one…

But what if that’s how it should have been all along?

What if the physical separation of different parts of our lives has been doing us a disservice? Encouraging us to separate parts of ourselves and not integrate? What if we’ve been living within these artificially created, imposed-from-outside boundaries without questioning whether they actually work best for us?

Let’s imagine a different way…

Imagine if you could show up to a work call knowing it’s ok if your kids wander into shot. And not just ok, but welcomed and encouraged.

Imagine if you could chill out about your kid’s education knowing that you’ve set things up in a way to trust they’re learning anywhere and everywhere not just when they’re at school/in an online classroom.

Imagine if you could feel connected to some of your closest friends who don’t even live in the same town as you but live halfway round the world, and yet it feels like you’re as close as you can be and that an in-person meeting, whenever it happens, will deepen and strengthen that bond but isn’t fundamental to the relationship thriving.

Imagine if you were surrounded by people – relatives, friends and colleagues – who celebrated downtime, relaxation and self care, NOT just achievement, full to do lists, productivity and getting all the things done. Who wanted deep connection and communication, not just the superficial, surface stuff.

Would that feel easier? Would the stress and impact of COVID feel more manageable and comfortable if that was all a reality?

(How) Is this possible?

At Beyond School, we talk about ending the juggle by making some key mindset shifts and then building your habits, actions and lives driven by, based upon, around and to support these shifts and new beliefs.

This may require you to do some of the deeper work. To change your mind, to change some deeply embedded beliefs…it doesn’t always happen overnight (though it can!).

These shifts include consciously choosing to believe and know…

  1. That you are the priority. No guilt, no shame. Put yourself first. Always. You can’t give from an empty well, you must put your own life jacket and oxygen mask on first if you’re going to support others.
  2. You can choose to be the model you want to be for your kids. Consciously. No repeating the patterns from generations past without questioning whether they still serve you and your family, or not. You can choose to model the beliefs YOU choose, not the ones handed down to you as ‘this is just the way things are’. BE the change you want to see in the world, MODEL this to your kids and those around you. They will do what you do, not what you say.
  3. Integrate, don’t separate. Consciously create a life that allows you to – or even better, encourages and empowers you to – show up WHOLE, everywhere. No more hiding one part of your life from the other. No more juggling separate areas of your life. No more trying to keep things separate.

When you act from a place of deeply believing these three things, other things begin to shift for you. You will find tools and resources to:

  • Identify and hold boundaries you never could before (and didn’t even know were needed), even with the most challenging relationships in your life.
  • Identify, acknowledge and get YOUR needs met, at no-one else’s expense.
  • Identify, acknowledge and meet other peoples’ needs, but NOT at your expense.

These three things in themselves can lead to:

  1. Better health and wellbeing; a body which serves you well rather than lets you down when you need it most.
  2. Better relationships; nurturing, nourishing and mutually respectful and beneficial connections which enhance and lift you up rather than drag you down or keep you small.
  3. Better sex; let’s delve into that one another time because it’s SO worth it!
  4. Better parenting; being the kind of parent you always thought and hoped you’d be without having to compromise elsewhere.
  5. Better finances; a healthy relationship with earning, having and spending money.
  6. Better career options; unlimited opportunities and potential that you create yourself rather than relying on others to ‘give’ these to you.

And when you begin to surround yourself with other people doing the same, you will see another way…

You’ll start to see examples of people – of other women – who have done it/are doing it differently. They are nothing special, they have no special skills that you can’t gain, they are not doing anything that you couldn’t do, except…they have the particular mindset and a different set of beliefs that perhaps you don’t yet have. And they act from these beliefs and from this mindset, ignoring the doubts and fear and guilt and shame.

They consciously craft a life – a daily routine – that works for them and their family. There is no mad rush to get to school. There’s no skipping meals because there’s just no time. There’s no rushing from home to work to the shops, to the pub then back home again, with barely a beat in between.

This consciously chosen approach to life will…

Shake up the way you think about work and your career. You won’t be satisfied with working just to make money, but sure that’s a start.

Shake up the way you think about money and finances. You won’t be satisfied with making ‘just enough’. You want more and there is NO guilt or shame in claiming that.

Shake up the way you think about your kids, about parenting them, about educating them and about the way you are shaping their lives and what life you’re setting them up for.

Shake up the way you think about yourself, your own wellbeing and your own needs and wants.

If you want more of the same, this approach IS not for you. If you have a suspicion there’s a different way, this IS for you.

If your life isn’t panning out the way you thought it would or if you’re just marking time, treading water and you’re NOT living every single day intentionally and consciously and doing the things you want, when you want, this is for you.

Watch Jenn, Lea & Lucy Talk More About How To End The Juggle…

Mindset Shift #1

Mindset Shift #2

Mindset Shift #3

Racism. The Question Is: What Are You Going to Do About It?

Racism. The Question Is: What Are You Going to Do About It?

Was anyone else glued to the news in horror watching the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd?

Anyone still grieving the death of Ahmaud Arbery? Breonna Taylor?

Are you still pissed about a Harvard graduate, writer, former Marvel editor, current biomedical editor for Health Science Communications, and board member of the Audubon Society who was threatened by a white woman who called the police on him for asking her to please leash her dog in Central Park? 

(And if you’re not, why not?)

Perhaps you’re feeling powerless… why on earth – despite all the protests and uprisings, despite the ongoing efforts of the people around you (especially your Black friends and colleagues) – are these deaths still happening?

Grief & outrage are NOT the same as action.

And (even more) action is required.

A lot of the white people I know don’t know where to start. It feels overwhelming. Sometimes it feels scary. Intentionally dismantling a system you’ve benefited from your whole life might feel like giving up a big piece of your pie.

But, what if it could feel like making more pie for everyone?

De-Schooling Anti-Racism

When people begin to move ‘beyond school’ we often encourage them to step outside of the infrastructure they’ve known their whole lives and spend a period of time intentionally refusing to participate in the trappings of the system. This is called De-Schooling.

It’s a time to detox, to breathe fresh air, to think clearly and intentionally about where they are and where they SHOULD be. It’s also a time to begin thinking, learning, and re-educating ourselves in a more holistic, integrated approach to learning together. It’s a time to shift your thinking and mindset and, most importantly, your perspective.

It’s hard to see a thing clearly until you choose to step outside of it.

De-schooling Anti-Racism involves an intentional choice to step outside of Systemic Racism.

De-schooling Anti-Racism involves doing the work of asking ourselves the hard questions:

  • Why have we let it get to this point? 
  • Why have we not moved against police brutality, as white people, harder and sooner
  • Why have we allowed a system in which people with less power are actively murdered on the regular by people with more power? 
  • Why do we tolerate and gloss over the myriad of micro aggressions that happen around us, daily? And that we, as white people, are still guilty of doing ourselves.
  • Why are we willing to raise our kids within a system that perpetuates violence and inequality without putting a stop to it, here and now?
  • Why are we not willing to be the change?

As the dominant power (economic, political, social and otherwise) why are WE as white people allowing this and creating an environment where it’s acceptable, or if not acceptable, at least tolerated? 

In her excellent article, Upping the Ante on Anti-Racism, Sharon Hurley Hall says this:

If you’ve been Black all your life, as I have, you know that racism isn’t going away anytime soon. If you’re a white anti-racist, you may know this too, or you’re catching on fast. Every day, we all have a choice about whether we’re working against racism or overtly or tacitly supporting it. …The question is: what are we going to do about it? 

-Sharon Hurley-Hall, Upping the Ante on Anti-Racism

Sharon’s Anti-Racism Bootcamp is an excellent place to start.

Led by Sharon Hurley-Hall and supported by Lea Jovy-Ford, this is an online training Bootcamp for anyone committed to understanding and eradicating the damaging biases we still have that perpetuate dangerous actions and reactions towards others, based upon their skin colour.

If you’re lucky (read: Aware), it may start to become more obvious to you how riddled with assumptions, beliefs and biases you are, based upon your reactions and responses to the people you come across in life, personally and professionally. If it isn’t obvious, then this needs your attention and work.

This is about becoming a better person. And understanding that this WILL empower you to navigate your worlds (personal and professional) with more positive impact for yourself and for others, both online and off.

DURING THE BOOTCAMP, WE…

  • Examine the unconscious biases you still hold, that may be unconsciously, unknowingly and deeply buried and how this is perpetuating our racist culture.
  • Understand what being anti-racist actually means, and what impact being anti-racist will mean for your own life.
  • Learn how to identify anti-racism in our world, both personally and professionally, and how to address it when we see it. 
  • Make a commitment to being actively anti-racist, in the here and now and for the long haul.

The question is: ARE YOU READY?

Looking for Anti-Racism Resources for Kids?

We’ve got this article full of Anti-Racism Resources for Families. And Sharon Hurley-Hall also teaches a fantastic six week short course on Anti-Racism for Kids.

P.S. If you’ve got to here and you’re wondering “but what’s in it for me?” when it comes to dismantling racism for everyone, we’ll be covering that next time…

Resources for Anti-Racism As A Family

Resources for Anti-Racism As A Family

Dealing with racism is hard.

As I’m writing this, the North American world is in the midst of reeling in the aftermath of the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmed Arbury, and Breonna Taylor. Protests and riots are filling the news and police brutality and systemic racism are topics being discussed everywhere.

In the midst of all of the things that are heartbreaking during this time, I am hopeful. I am hopeful because, while the violence is a terrible thing, the conversations it is pushing have been too long in coming and need to be had.

As parents, we worked hard to make sure that our kids had a diverse experience.

We intentionally built relationships in communities with people of every colour and of diverse lifestyles.

A large part of our desire to travel extensively with our kids was drawn from a wish for them to see and experience the world as it really is and to live in places where they were the minority as a means to developing compassionate understanding. Evenso, their white skin went with them and the privilege that is attached to it followed. There’s no avoiding that, so we talked about it. A lot. Constantly.

We didn’t (don’t) always get it right. But we have worked to grow forward together, to develop active listening skills as individuals and as a family, and to acknowledge our own biases and our experience of race as white people within the rainbow of people who inhabit the planet. It’s heartening to see my adult kids now engaging in activism and using their privilege to work towards leveling the playing field. We aren’t there yet (not by a long shot) and there is still work to be done.

This week, I wanted to put together a list of resources for parents to use in conversations with their children about systemic racism and family activism. It’s not enough just to speak the right words, we must take action and responsibility together.

If you have resources to add to this list, please send them over!

Things to Read:

This book is for adults and teens.

Written by a white lady, for white people. If you don’t yet understand the difference between racist acts vs. racism, this book will break it down for you.

It will also help you unpack the ways in which white people’s fragility when it comes to discussions of race is impeding progress. Ever said, “Not all white people…” or made a move
to correct or defend your position when challenged by a conversation on race? This book is for you.

In White Fragility, Robin DiAngelo does a masterful job of helping white people see whiteness as a racial issue and helping us pull that massive plank out of our own eye before pointing at others. It’s a call to cultivating the stamina and humility we need to have the really hard conversations that are necessary to advocate for change.

I highly recommend every parent read this to help frame and steer the inevitable conversations you’ll have with your kids, no matter how young.

Required reading for young adults

This is billed as “young adult” fiction, but The Hate U Give is truly required reading for anyone who wants to begin to understand what it’s like to grow up black in America.

I’ve recommended this book before. I’ll recommend it again.

READ IT. Make your teen kids read it. Talk about it. Get uncomfortable. That’s where the change starts.

How to Choose Anti-Bias Children’s Books

The Social Justice Books project, by Teaching for Change, has compiled this helpful guide for parents and teachers on how to evaluate a book for bias and how to choose books to use with your kids that are anti-bias.

If you’re not sure where to start or what you’re looking for, I highly recommend starting with this list.

They have also compiled an incredible 60 book lists of multicultural and social justice books for children, young adults, and educators.

Compiled by EmbraceRace.org this list has summaries of 31 incredible books just for kids to open conversations about race and de-colonize history. No matter what you are using to teach history, you should be intentionally adding books that are from a non-white perspective. For too long, the narrative of history has been a white, Colonialist one. This list will help you change that.

Research from Harvard University suggests that children as young as three years old, when exposed to racism and prejudice, tend to embrace and accept it, even though they might not understand the feelings. By age 5, white children are strongly biased towards whiteness.

To counter this bias, experts recommend acknowledging and naming race and racism with children as early and as often as possible. Children’s books are one of the most effective and practical tools for initiating these critical conversations; and they can also be used to model what it means to resist and dismantle oppression.​

Beyond addressing issues of race and racism, this children’s reading list focuses on taking action. It highlights resistance, resilience and activism; and seeks to empower youth to participate in the ongoing movement for racial justice.

These books showcase the diverse ways people of all ages and races have engaged in anti-racist activism, and highlight how race intersects with other issues, such as capitalism, class and colonization. The majority of books center activists of color, whose lives and bodies have been on the front lines of racial justice work, yet whose stories often go untold.

The essential work of white activists is also included — to underscore that anti-racist work is not the responsibility of people of color; and exemplify the ways white allies have stood up against racial injustice. This list was curated by critical literacy organizations, The Conscious Kid and American Indians in Children’s Literature.”

Websites & Blogs to Read

The Brown Bookshelf is designed to push awareness of the myriad Black voices writing for young readers. Our flagship initiative is 28 Days Later, a month-long showcase of the best in Picture Books, Middle Grade, and Young Adult novels written and illustrated by Black creators. You can read more about the members of The Brown Bookshelf here.

On the Latinxs in Kid Lit site you’ll find a range of books for children and young adults that highlight the Latinx experience… dive deep, there is some really good stuff here!

Their vision is to:

  • Engage with works about, for, and/or by Latinxs.
  • Offer a broad forum on Latinx children’s, MG, and YA books.
  • Promote literacy and the love of books within the Latinx community.
  • Examine the historical and contemporary state of Latinx characters.
  • Encourage interest in Latinx children’s, MG, and YA literature among non-Latinx readers.
  • Share perspectives and resources that can be of use to writers, authors, illustrators, librarians, parents, teachers, scholars, and other stakeholders in literacy and publishing.

How to Talk to Kids About Race

How to talk to kids about race and books that can help is a great resource list of books for adults to advance their own learning and books for kids that will help open discussions.

21 Podcasts That Confront Racism in America

Podcasts alone won’t fix the undeniable racism, inequality, and injustice that Black Americans face, but they can deepen our understanding of the oppressive systems at work and our role in abolishing them today and every day. 

Here are 21 podcasts that help you confront anti-Black racism head on. This is by no means an exhaustive list — in fact, think of it as your starter kit to being a more informed ally.

Movies That Tackle Racism in America

Common Sense Media has compiled a great list of black history movies that tackle racism in America with wonderful little summaries as well as a suggested age that children will be ready for the movie.

Super helpful.

Here are 17 more films, shows, and documentaries that can help educate your tweens and teens about race.

Try This: Open Dialogue With Your Kids

Even very young kids can have conversations about race. Ours started when our not-quite-year old daughter freaked out when her godfather entered the room with his hair “out.” He always wore it in braids, but this morning, he’d brushed it out into an afro and the difference shocked her. We all laughed. He ran upstairs and put his hair “away” and then we all sat down to talk about why Poppy’s hair was different from hers. The conversations continued from there and took us around the world.

If you’re not sure where to start, turn on the news and look for current events to open the door to discussion. Or work to decolonize your bookshelf, art collection, and music repertoire. Or choose a movie the presents an experience different from your own and talk through what you observe and learn.

And, of course, begin with yourself and let your kids see you actively working to develop your anti-racist powers through listening, studying, reading, discussing, and the historic and current issues. Lead by example in deconstructing the Colonialist narrative and broadening your kids’ understanding of the world and the people in it.

This is the very best of worldschooling, folks!

Do you have a resource towards developing anti-racism as a family? Please share it! We’re collecting them for ourselves and others!

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